Rudy

Rudy
My Homemade Mother's Day Gift

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

BEGINNING AGAIN, AGAIN

I have taken a break from my diet since last August. Jenny and her children left in July and I got in a quick session--but, once again,  I failed to meet my weight goal.  I was limited to the shortest session permitted because Stephen and I had planned to attend the Feast of Tabernacles in September--and feast we did.  Just before we left for Kentucky, Steve's sister,  my good friend, Barb, and their mother came into town to set her house in order for the winter.  They stayed a month after we returned.  Naturally, we celebrated their visit with epicurean cuisine, dining both in and out.  Immediately following their departure, there was Thanksgiving and all that accompanies the bounteous occasion.  The labyrinth of  festive activities focused on feasting and too many days of caution cast to the wind has taken its toll.

I wish I could say I  hadn't  gained any weight during all that time.   Unfortunately, by the end of November I had a lot in common with the Thanksgiving turkey and managed to shove in an additional 15 pounds of stuffing into my girth.  Should I continue my course of celebratory indulgence it would lead to an additional 60 pounds a year.  Somehow, I've got to find a way to regulate my gastric profligacy so as to minimize the repercussions without resorting to bulimia.  So while my vacation from dietary sanity has been a lot of fun, the carnival has come to an end.  I don't want to have to raid the bags of triple X wide sized clothes destined for Good Will.

I was really worried it was going to be very difficult to get back into the diet. I have not been off the diet this long  since I started, almost 2 years ago now and I've never allowed myself to stray so far from the end of the leash.  I envisioned myself doing midnight raids on the refrigerator in the basement.  I'd even dream I was eating up the rest of the stuffing and Turkey and gravy.  I could already imagine people looking at me,  shaking their head and saying I knew that tubbo couldn't keep this up.  It was a pretty good run but, hello! Reality Check!  People don't really change.

Of course, that's not true.  They do change.  I mean, I used to be pretty thin growing up... but I changed.  I put on weight.  Now I just need to reverse the process.  I'm still waiting for that trigger in my brain to switch on that tells me that Grilled Chicken and Steamed Broccoli with a couple of sprays of "I can't believe its not butter" accompanied with a glass of water really is my food of choice over a plate of fully loaded nachos and a mug of beer.  I can do it with the drops.  I can avoid the chips on the 1500 calorie, low carb maintenence... I spend multiple hours trying to put a daily plan together at fitclick.com during phase 3... and I'm incredibly good about sticking with it... the problem comes in when I'm back to living freestyle.

I'm still waiting for that natural break to come on and let me know that I'm about to hit TILT.  So far, it doesn't really light up for me till I plant my puffy feet on the bathroom scale and see that needle continue to climb several pounds past the previous days weight.  Suddenly, the bells, whistles, alarms and the big red flashing TILT are reverberating in my head and I try not to go off and drown myself in a large cup of creamy coffee, a huge cheese omelet and toast dripping with butter and jam.  15 lbs.  It took me 3 weeks to get back to the weight I was at when I went to the Feast.  Somewhere there's a balance.  I've just got to find mine.

I suppose part of what helps keep me from giving up is that curious people are constantly seeking information about my diet.

Wow!!!  You've lost a LOT of weight.
Yes, I've lost quite a bit.
How much have you lost?
Well, quite a bit...
You're looking much better.
Thanks, I feel much better.
I mean, comparatively speaking, you look really good.
Thank you.  I'm working on it.
Are you still on your diet right now?
No
Why not?
I'm taking a break for the summer.
Are you still going to go back on it?
Yes, that's the plan.
Well how much HAVE you lost?
Not as much as I need to.
What do you weigh now?
uhhh...

There are interesting suggestions that are made as to other forms of fad diets and a lot of people like to tell me my diet is dangerous.

More dangerous than being morbidly obese?
Well, there are better ways to lose weight.
Yes, I suppose there are but I was having trouble finding it.
Still, you're putting your health at risk.
Well, I figure it was pretty much at risk anyway.
Have you tried Weight Watchers?
I've tried everything...

Okay, so I'm 3 weeks into the diet, and almost back to my not quite goal weight of the previous session.  I don't really have a goal this time.  I think I'll probably try to stay on this session until the spring Holy Days.

I'm doing okay.  The first couple of days I had a pretty bad headache.  I felt nauseated and exhausted.  I'm not sure if it was the diet or the lack of coffee.  Either way, I'm past all that now and feel pretty good.  I hit a plateau... the same one that I'd hit at the end of my last session.  But all in all, I'm doin okay,

I just waiting for the scale to stop screaming "OUCH!  Get off you cow!!!" or to be out of those clothes with the X's or W's in the sizes.  At least I don't panic anymore when I'm directed to a chair with arms or a booth that I have to squeeze my girth into at a restaurant or a theater.  I actually have a waist again. I can feel my shin bones and I can cross my legs again.  Most important, I can move, even quickly if I need to.  I can walk fast, even break into a short run.  It's little improvements but they are great advancements for me and encourage me to continue to move forward.  Every session from this point forward brings me closer and closer to normalcy.

Normal is what I'm seeking.  I'd be good with that.