Rudy

Rudy
My Homemade Mother's Day Gift

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Day Number Five... long time from supper to lunch.

Well, I'm actually on my third day of the "weight loss cure protocol"and I've already lost 5 lbs.  It isn't hard at night after dinner.  I sort of save my second piece of fruit up for a little while and eat it as a dessert.  Last night I had a tiny piece of Tenderloin... Yummo and asparagus...mmmmmmmmmm.  Later I had partially frozen strawberries with a couple of drops of orange stevia on them and that was outstanding.  Lunch was my usual salad with chicken, which I like with that tomato-y salad dressing but today I changed it up a bit and made an orange vinegarette with mustard, dried onion, some onion powder and vinegar, lemon juice, orange Valencia stevia, garlic and lemon and pepper seasoning.  Then I cut up my orange in with my lettuce and chicken and let me say, it's pretty good.  I ordered a recipe book to come with HCG recipes in it but I'm thinking I didn't really need it.  I'm doing fine on my own.  I still haven't gotten my bread sticks but I haven't really missed them yet.


One of the things I like about the diet is all the energy it gives you... I was dragging all this weight around with me and feeling pretty lousy all the time.  I'm still not exact really mobile as my feet hurt under the stress of my weight and won't really support a lot of exercise yet but I noticed yesterday as I ran from one place to another, the only thing that held me back at all was my feet.  I'm pretty excited about that.


But on the downside, my husband says I'm a mean dieter.  I'm a little cranky.  Last night I went psycho over him opening a bottle of wine.  I said its because I don't want anything tempting me  but the reality is far baser.  I realized I'm irate because I can't have any.  I finally got myself under control and apologized but before he went to bed, I did it again over nothing, didn't really even hear what he had to say and then told him that I didn't agree.  He was a little stunned and got up and went to bed... again, with the apologies.  Then this morning as he was eating his breakfast, another waive of "you're breathing my air" attack hit and I grabbed my computer and fled the room before I bit his head off for no other reason than sitting there happily eating his breakfast as I sat there trying to enjoy my coffee with NO CREAM.


I hope that doesn't last too long because given the present mood swings, I'll be needing someone to move in to help pay the rent.  He was gone by the time I came back down... wonder if he's looking for something to muzzle me with?

Thursday, April 28, 2011

THE MIRROR

     From his earliest recollection, the mirror had hung on the wall in the family room.  
     Originally, his father had noticed it sitting on a curb, adorned by a torn and curled nine by fourteen  inch sign carelessly ripped from a yellow legal pad and on it, printed in a hasty scribble, "FREE, TAKE ME."  His father had beamed with delight as he picked it up from the trash heap and laid it gingerly in the trunk of the car.  
     On that very evening, so he had been told, it took its place on the family room wall.  
     It was a large mirror with a highly polished wooden frame. Its gilded vines draped from intricately sculpted lotus blossoms in full bloom, twirling entanglements  from corner to corner and delicately weaving an alluring arrangement.    And despite its obvious age, the rich deep luster of the wood endured and the finish remained curiously unmarred.
      It was, by far, the most elegant object in the entire house, yet, he always felt it collided against the surrounding d├ęcor rather than complimenting it.  And despite the aesthetic adornment to an otherwise drab room, he abhorred it.  
     For from his earliest memories the mirror, which had always graced their wall, held an unusual but distinctive element that forbade a casual regard--a disquieting reflection it cast back at any who stood before it. 
     From across the room, the satiny wooden frame emitted a soft glow in the warm evening light. The gentle rise and fall of the sculpted encasement cast interesting shadows. The gilded Fleur-de-lis' clasping each crook and the golden piping encircling the silvered glass caught the eye of any within its line of vision and summoned a narcissistic desire to gaze upon their own reflection girdled in such an handsome frame.  But to those standing opposite the mirror, the reflector cast back a chilling distortion of the anticipated image.
      The image reflected was one of the gazer's bearing rather than their visage, and while the likeness was not always unpleasant or dark, it left one feeling naked, self-conscious and violated. It forced an unsolicited introspection at, what was often, a most inopportune moment and briefly stripped an otherwise secure individual of their dignity as it exposed any deceit or ill will and accentuated it in their reflected features.
      He had long since abandoned trying to ascertain a rational explanation for the mirror's peculiarity, which forced upon him, on more than one occasion, an utter abandonment of the romantic facade he would have rather retained of his own self-image; and as childhood stretched into manhood, he grew to detest the odious object and eschewed even the room upon whose wall it was perched.
      Its fascinating frame seemed to mock him as he passed by the room and beckon his attendance; it haunted his thoughts when he was away and manifested itself into his dreams, portraying secreted inclinations and unearthing buried aspects of his subliminal nature concealed even from his own subconscious. He loathed even the mention of the cursed reflector.
      Contrarily, his father appreciated the extraordinary looking glass. He examined his reflection regularly staring intently into its hazy faded depths with a discerning eye. He appeared desirous to glimpse its analytical reflection, and eagerly sought its critique yea, even beckoned its appraisal and pursued a path to realign his very nature so as to receive a better image and upon failing to receive one, he carefully assayed his motivation toward achieving the desired alteration of character.   
     So often he recalled the pained look of disappointment that passed over his father's face as he gazed intently into the metallic depths which spurred such perseverance  toward obtaining a better image reflected back to him.  His father never tired of the game, and from his earliest memory until the day his father died, he strove to perfect the image cast back at him.  
      He couldn't comprehend the incentive.
      He didn't hate the mirror in his earliest memories. As a small child he was entertained by the altered likeness he would sometimes see and spent countless hours grimacing and smiling in an attempt to change the appearance of the reflection he faced, not understanding the cause for the countenance reflected back at him.
       He recalled the exact moment he realized the image was not merely distorted. He had lied to his mother while standing in front of it and the mirror reflected the change in his face immediately. In horror he explained to his mother through choked sobs that he had lied to her and as is common with mothers, she held him close and told him it was okay, comforting him within his view of the mirror. He saw after confessing the truth in a desire to never to disappoint his mother again, his image had softened considerably.
      And despite the realization that the mirror had invaded his secret sentiments, it still held a certain fascination for him. And as his father, he would strive to toward trying to obtain a softer representation of himself. But frequently he found that acts of kindness did not always result in an improved image and on occasion, it even fell to a further distortion of the reflection that stared back at him. The realization was disconcerting and he began to avoid glimpsing at it as he passed through its reflective sphere and eventually, he avoided the entire room in which it hung.
      On this day, as he faced the mirror for the first time in several years, the anguish of losing his father showed through the disdain and anger he felt as he faced the image opposite him. He lifted up a piece of yellow paper with jagged edges, carelessly torn  from a dog-eared legal pad and smoothed the taped corners on the glass over the face of his reflected image.  The paper , printed in a hasty scribble, read "Free, take me."
      Forcefully he wrenched it from its catches anchored securely into the wall for several decades and carried it all the way through the front door, all the way through to the end of the lawn, to the curbside. He dropped it incautiously on the grass, propping it against the mail box next to a bag of refuse.    
     It would exit his life exactly as it had entered into his life from before his earliest memory. The yellow paper rustled against the glass in the afternoon breeze. He never looked back as got into his car and drove away, and later that day, when he returned to his father's house, the mirror was forever removed from his life.

They said I wouldn't be hungry with HCG!

So on Day 2, I continued to eat like fat girl as per the diet. We went to a little hamburger place called Christies where they serve these half pound burgers with this spreadable cheese on them called Pub Cheese. Wow. But that was then, as my stomach growls.

Today I had some vanilla cream sweet leaf stevia in my black coffee instead of whip cream. I think I can get used to that. I had looked online for a salad dressing I could have but most of them were basically straight vinegar... ((shiver)) vinegar with lemon juice and varied spices... but c'mon. Okay so it says I can have limited amounts of picante sauce, salsa as long as there wasn't any sugar. So I got my processor out, the giant enormous one my kids bought me for mother's day last year, and put in about a half of a cup of that, a tablespoon of lemon juice 2 tablespoons of red wine vinegar, a couple of tablespoons of mustard, some McCormicks Grill Mates Garlic and Onion seasoning and processed until smooth. It was a delicious fat free legal dressing that actually tasted pretty good on my 2 cups of shredded Romaine and my 3 oz of grilled chicken breast.

I was starving by lunch time and yet when I started eating, it was almost like after a few bites, I had to make myself eat the rest of it. I've had a mild headache all day but that might be from a lack of sleep. I haven't been doing much of that lately.

Anyway, for dinner, I made some flounder over fresh spinach...with a little bit of my "salad dressing" totally winging it here but it looks pretty good. I thought it was delicious. My husband said it wasn't his favorite. At which point I told him he should consider making his own food. I guess I'm a little touchy.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Day Number One

So, I started the HCG diet today. I took my drops. Today is one of my gorging days.... I had pasta from home for lunch, and an apple and an orange. Steve and I went out for chicken wings, pizza and beer. It was sort of hard eating everything I was supposed to eat today as those drops already started taking away my appetite and every bite I put in my mouth seemed like the last few bites of a 2nd Thanksgiving meal. One more day between me and starvation... I'm pretty pummped...in a nervous sort of way.

Monday, April 25, 2011

It Came Today

Okay, home from church and there on my front porch is my bottle of vitamins and the 2 bottles of HCG. Looks like I'm starting this in the morning. Presently, aside from a little bit of apprehension, I'm pretty excited about it. I feel like lead moving around and it will be nice to be a little lighter on my feet. I hope it works like they say. I'm making out a list of the things I'll need. I've already made my chicken up and need to acquire some of the vegetables needed. So I guess I'll use up the last my coffee cream over the next 2 days. For 2 days I'm supposed to eat whatever I want and take the drops and then by Thursday, I have to be ready to go. No hunger... that's the ticket... fast track to losing weight and a resetting of the metabolism. I'm hoping that it works. I got these vitamins but they have carbs and they're 64 calories. But maybe if I just take half, it will be okay. They advertised them on the website I bought the drops from... and I made the assumption that one was taken with the other... well, that might have been a bad assumption and they were not cheap.

Also, I went to Wal-Mart on Sunday (Ishtaar Sunday) to buy a scale so I could weigh my meat and they had this really nice one that was $19.99. But at the register, the cashier asked me for $60. I asked her, how much was the pancake turner... yeah it was just a buck but she says the scale was $35. So why hassle her and everyone in the line behind me... so I go over to customer service and they come back with a manager who said it was the scale next to it... yeah... I didn't see no other digital scale there. Well, my husband had already started up the gril so I just kept the thing and left but wowzers... $35. Okay so I'm about $150 into this diet. It better work!!!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Making some changes...

So, when I was a kid, I was normal sized... as an adult, I put on a couple of pounds and decided to do the liquid protein diet... and lost the weight really fast. Well, then I put it back on plus what I had lost became doubled in added pounds. So I started working out but then I got pregnant and had to quit... the club closed and there wasn't any money for a new one so I did weight watchers for a while.. lost some of the weight but then put it right back on plus new poundage... did the Atkins diet, worked like a charm... then I stopped and it came back with a vengeance. So now I'm a fat girl... okay so I started walking... got up to 5 miles a day and that worked really well... but then I got a new job and it was full time so no time to walk anymore... and the weight started piling back on.... at that point, desperation set in and I just about quit eating and when I did eat, I started purging... talk about disgusting. So that lasted about a year and my family freaked out and my teenage kids were screaming... so that had to stop. Well, now suffer from morbid obesity and my little grand daughter says, Yaya, your booty is so big but we're not supposed to say that are we? And it is hard getting around and it's embarrassing being this big and buying size 3X clothes... so now I'm going to do the HCG diet when my drops come in. They are supposed to arrive tomorrow and I'm going to start the diet this week. So this is me now...
and hopefully that will change. The diet is supposed to reset your metabolism, which is the biggest thing with me... and I'm hoping that if I drop enough weight, I can start walking again... so we'll see. I'll keep you posted.